How To Be Popular

1.) You have a girlfriend. If you do not, do not worry. She is hot, and she goes to a different school. This is an incontrovertible fact. 

2.) You you have had sex before. It was awesome. and you have a big member. If someone calls you out, it is because they have a small member; remind them of this fact often. 

3.) You coast in school. all of the secret studying you do must be fully covered by a facebook, aim, and myspace status of, "out boozing with my bros." If anyone asks you who you went out with....easy, college kids. 

4.) If there is not a horse, gator, or bird on your shirt, don't bother going out. 

5.) You are going to a D1 school for some sport...."No, no, no, suffolk is D1 in my sport"

6.) You have hooked up with half the school, and the other half tried to hook up with you last night. Fact. 

7.) If you do actually end up hooking up with someone at a party, don't worry, you can cover yourself. "My girl and I are on a break." 

8.) During class you remain as aloof as possible and only answer questions where you can make a vague reference to drugs, women, sex, or all of the above with the teacher. 

9.) All you do, all day, is drink, talk to girls, smoke, or have sex.....if you have time, you can play sports.....or video games

10.) All of your friends are cool, but slightly less cool than yourself. 

11.) When you are in class, constantly snicker, giggle, and laugh. When someone looks at you, laugh harder.  Never explain any of these actions.