Phil, your right quad and I are pissed! Ever since you took up this stupid football thing all you've done is tear us apart. I've swollen to the size of a stupid tennis ball, and Quad said the whole right side of him is ripping into little pieces. All of this to kick a stupid football? Foot said he doesn't even like the feel of hitting a football. What the hell are you doing to us?
I got an email from Head last week and he said you cut your ear putting on your helmet. Phil, seriously, how much clearer do I need to make this: Stop Playing Football!
A couple of other brief emails, texts, and IMs I've received from the rest of you:
RghtKneekicker to GroinKing23 (AIM): is this guy serious? Does he know all the pain he's causing us!
LftShldr to GroinKing 23 (AIM): Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit! These pads do nothing!
Phil's Back (text): WTF MATE! This is not fny!
Phil's Big Toe (text): Broken! Seriously? He's going to sacrifice me like this. Phil's a selfish prick!
And the worst of all, an Email from LftGroin@gmail.com:
Right, we need to talk. Does he seriously think this is a good idea. He needs that scholarship and does he really think he's going to get it playing on one leg? Has he ever heard of overuse injuries? Let's schedule a coffee with Brain and Heart immediately and figure this out.
p.s. you look like you are in rough shape....sorry
p.p.s. you thought you got the sweet end of the deal when he was born huh? Thought he'd use you more, love you more than me? Looks like I win now!
Phil, this needs to stop. We're all going to work together to make this end. I can't go on like this. Please, if I get another text from the Rest of You, I'm going to smash my phone!
Figure this out, we need help!
Angrily,
P.R.G.
No comments:
Post a Comment